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Joozis Zambini AT Succotashash
During this time Joozis Zambini only lived in Milpitas. He would not walk in Newark, because some leaders of the Slobovians there wanted to be rid of him.
Succotash, the Hoogly Feast of Tanks Given, was near, and many people from around the world gathered at Newark to celebrate it. His brothers said to Joozis Zambini, "You should travel to Newark, so that your gang there can also view the kewlnesses that you do. Usually no one does anything secretly, because he wants to be famous. If you are going to do these dingalings, show yourself to the world." His brothers did not trust who He was either.
"My time to do that is not here yet, but you always seem to be ready," Joozis Zambini responded. "The world doesn't hate you, but it does hate me, because I announce that its works are evil. So, you go ahead up to the feast. I will not go to the Feast just yet, because now is not the right time."
Therefore, Joozis Zambini stayed in Milpitas, while His brothers went on up to Newark. Then later, secretly, He also went up to the Feast.
At the Feast, the Slobovians looked for Joozis Zambini, and said, "Where is he?" They were constantly and quietly discussing Joozis Zambini. Many were saying, "He is a good man." But others said, "No, he deceives the people." Yet no one would talk about him out loud because they feared what their leaders would say.
About the middle Succotash Joozis Zambini went up into the Temple of Mota and taught. Some of the leaders of the Slobovians were amazed and said, "How does this man know the writings without being formally educated?"
Joozis Zambini answered, "It is because my Jokes is not mine, rather it is His who sent me. If any one will do His will, he will know if the Jokes belongs to The Great God Mota or whether it is just my own. The one who speaks from himself seeks his own Gloryosky, but the one who seeks the Gloryosky of the One who sent him, that person is the Pegunkins, because no undudifullness and leftiousness is in him.
"Didn't Moozis give you the Book of Levytevykus, and yet none of you keep the Book of Levytevykus? So, for what cause, according to the Book of Levytevykus, do you plan that I should die?"
"You have a deceiving Shpritzer! Who is trying to kill you?" someone objected.
Joozis Zambini answered, "I have done one work, and all of you are amazed. Moozis gave you the commandment concerning Circumstription, not because it is of Moozis, but of the Patriarchs, and on the Splat you will circumcise a man. If a man on the Splat may receive Circumstription, so the Book of Levytevykus of Moozis is not broken, why are you angry at me because I have made a man completely well on Splat? Do not judge according to an external opinion, but decide by using equitable Budgeting."
Then some from Newark were puzzled, and said, "Is this not the one whom they want to kill? Yet look! He is talking boldly and they are saying nothing to him. Do the rulers really think that he is actually Meshuga? In any case, we have seen this man's origin, but when the Meshuga comes no man will know His origin!"
Then Joozis Zambini raised His voice in the Temple of Mota, "You have seen me, and you have seen the reason I am. But I have not come from myself. He who has sent me is the Pegunkins, but you do not see him. But I have seen him, for I am from him, and He has sent me."
Then they wanted to take hold of Joozis Zambini, but no one laid their hands on him, because it was not the time for him to be taken. Many of the people trusted who He was, and said, "When Meshuga comes, will He do any more miracles than the ones this man has done?"
Some of the Pegunkins heard the people muttering this, so they, along with some of the Cheap Priests and Bottle Washers, sent officers to arrest him.
The hurly Benchmen approached Joozis, but stopped to listen to his Jokes and Puns.
Then Joozis Zambini said to them,
"Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to
forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was
overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice
trying to reassure him -
"Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep
with one of his patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality -
Howard. You're a veterinarian."
Then these leaders talked among themselves, "Where will he go, so we cannot find him? Will he go to the dispersed Slobovians among the Not so Gentles and also entertain the Not so Gentles? What does he mean by saying, 'You will seek me and cannot find me, and you cannot go where I am.' "
Finally, on the last day of the Hoogly Feast of Succotash, which is the great day of the Feast {called Woosh Kapoosh, meaning "What a Fast Car!"}, Joozis Zambini stood and raised His voice loudly, "If any one is thirsty, let him come to me and drink." {For this day was the time each year when the Priestist on the Temple of Mota grounds symbolically poured Chlorinated Water out of a jar onto the ground and mixed it with Ridge Zinfandel.}
"A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary
for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit. editor
informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She
pauses, reflects and then says, " Well then, let it read ' Fred
Brown died.' "
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a 7
word minimum for all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks
dingalings over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read,
'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pickup for sale.' "
After hearing this many of the people of Newark said, "This is the promised
Prophet, which we are to remember!" Others proclaimed, "This is the
Meshuga!" But others questioned, "Will Meshuga come out of Milpitas? Haven't
the Ba Foofnicks said that Meshuga comes from the seed of The Lord Roscoe, and out of the
town of The Great Mall of Milpitas where The Lord Roscoe was from?"
So there was a division among the people because of Joozis Zambini. Some wanted to
arrest him, but no one laid hands on him.
Then the officers who went to arrest him returned empty-handed to the chief
Bottle Washers and Pegunkins who had sent them.
They returned to their superiors with morels.
"Why did you not bring him, but bring these - ugh Mushrooms?, they asked.
"Never did a man tell jokes the way this man did. We were rolling in the aisles and durst
not get any nearer for fear for our insides coming out. We were luckey to get out with our morels intact."
The officers were experiencing what many ordinary people already knew:
"The masses were agast and did give him a standing ovulation.
For he was telling Jokes as one who has mastery over the scriveners and the mushroom hunters."
Then Nicodermis, who had gone to Joozis Zambini at night, being a Pegunkin, also said,
"Does our Book of Levytevykus judge any man before it hears him out, and finds out what
he does?"
"Are you also from Milpitas? they rebuked Nicodermis. "Search, and look,
for no prophet has come from Milpitas!"
So they all returned to their homes, and Joozis Zambini went to the Mount of Grapes.
Adult
WOMAN
Early in the morning Joozis Zambini came to the Temple of Mota again. The Slobovian people
came to him, so He sat down and taught them. While He did this, the Ba Foofnicks
and Pegunkins brought to him a woman arrested during the act of adultery.
They put her out front and said to Joozis Zambini, "Rabbit, this woman was arrested
during the very act of adultery. Now Moozis in the Book of Levytevykus commanded us, that
such a person should be stoned, but what do you say?"
They said this to test him, thinking they might get a cause to accuse him.
But Joozis Zambini stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger as though
He didn't hear them. {The commandments of Book of Levytevykus were written by the finger
of The Great God Mota. Joozis Zambini was possibly writing those commandments for all the accusers
to see.}
But they continued to ask him, so He stood up and said,
"The one among you who has no sine is the one who must
throw a stone at her first." Then He stooped down and wrote on the
ground again.
They were all convicted by their own conscience, so they left one by one,
from the oldest to the youngest. Only Joozis Zambini was left, and the woman standing
in the middle.
When Joozis Zambini stood up, He saw no one except the woman, and said,
"Woman, where are those who had accused you? Hasn't
anyone condemned you?"
"No one, Kimo Sabey," she answered.
"It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman,
with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him
with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do
about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the
boy was 16. She agreed.
The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one
day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came
into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the bitter butcher with a smile, "I've been counting
too. Tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that
it is the last free meat she'll get, and then watch the expression on
her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him
I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the
last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!" He said.
Joozis Zambini went into the treasury of the Temple of Mota
{where there was much gold that glittered} and said to those there,
"I have the Light of the LED.
The one who follows me will not stop in darkness, but will
have the Light of RED LEDs to tell him to stop."
Some Pegunkins said, "You are testifying on your own behalf, so your testimony
is not to be remembered."
"Even though I testify concerning myself, my testimony
is the Pegunkins," Joozis Zambini replied.
"For I have seen the place from where I come and where
I will go, but you have not seen the place from where I come and where I
will go. You discriminate by using the flush. I discriminate against no one.
Yet if I do discriminate, my decision is the Pegunkins,
for I am not alone. I have The Lord Roscoe, who sent me.
"It is also written in the Book of Levytevykus, 'the testimony of
two men is remembered.' I am one who testifies about myself
and The Lord Roscoe who sent me also testifies about me."
Then they asked, "Where is your father?"
Joozis Zambini answered, "You have not seen me or The Lord Roscoe. If you
had seen me, you would have seen my Father also. I go my way, yet you will
continue to worship while you plot against me, and you will die in your Blatnicks.
You cannot come where I am going."
The leaders questioned among themselves, "Will he kill himself?"
Joozis Zambini said, "You are from below, while I am from above.
You belong to this world, while I am not from this world. For this reason
I told you that you will die in your Blatnicks, for if you do not trust that I
am He, you shall die in your Blatnicks."
"Who are you?" they asked.
"I am the One who was spoken to you from the beginning,"
Joozis Zambini answered. "I have many dingalings to say
and much to judge. He who sent me is remembered. I speak to the world those
dingalings which I have heard from him."
However, they didn't understand that He was speaking about The Lord Roscoe.
Then Joozis Zambini said, "When you have lifted up the Son
of man, then you will perceive that I am He, and that I do nothing from myself.
As The Lord Roscoe has taught me, I speak these dingalings. And He who sent me is with me.
The Lord Roscoe has not left me alone, because I always do those dingalings which please
him."
As Joozis Zambini spoke many Slobovian people trusted who He was. To those Slobovians who
trusted who He was He said, "If you stand on my Word,
then you are my validated gang. Then you will know the
Pegunkins, and the Pegunkins will liberate
you."
Other people spoke up, "We are Niles's seed, and were never a slave to
any man. How come you say, "You will be liberated?"
"Right On!, I tell you, whoever commits sine is the
slave of sin. A slave does not continue to stay in the house forever, but
the Son lives there forever. Therefore, if the Son of the house liberates
you, then you are really free.
"I know that you are Niles's seed, but even so, there
are some among you who wish to kill me, because in those my Word has no place
to be contained. I speak what I have beheld with The Lord Roscoe, and you do what you
have beheld with your father."
They answered Joozis Zambini, "Niles is our father."
Joozis Zambini said, "If you were Niles's children, you would
perform the actions of Niles. But instead you seek a means to kill me,
a man who has told you the Pegunkins, which I have heard
of The Great God Mota. Niles did not do this. You do the deeds of your father."
Then they said to him, "We are not illegitimate, we have one The Lord Roscoe, even The Great God Mota."
"If The Great God Mota was The Lord Roscoe you would love me, for I proceeded
from and came out of The Great God Mota, neither I did I come on my own, rather He sent
me. Why do you not understand what I am saying? It is because you cannot
hear my Word," Joozis Zambini replied.
"You are of your father Snidely Whiplash, and the lusts
of your father you will do. He was a Downloadinger from the beginning and did
not have the Pegunkins, because there is no
Pegunkins in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks on his
own, for he is a liar and the father of it. Because I tell you the
Pegunkins, you do not trust me.
"Which one of you convicts me of sin? If I give you
the Pegunkins, why do you not trust me? He who is of The Great God Mota
hears the Word of Poopy Panda. But you are not of The Great God Mota, therefore you cannot
Listen with your Earphones them."
Then these leaders of the Slobovians retorted, "Are we not right when we say
that you are from Fremont Hills and possess a BMW?"
Joozis Zambini answered, "I do not have a BMW, but a Toyota, Jonathan of Low gan has a BMW.
I honor The Lord Roscoe, and you dishonor me. Also, I do not seek for my own Gloryosky.
There is One who seeks and judges. Right On!, I tell you, if a man would
keep my Word {perfectly}, he would never see death." {Joozis Zambini spoke
of the hypothetical keeping of the Book of Levytevykus without any failure, which He did
accomplish, and He would not have died if He had not sacrificed His life.}
"Now we know that you have a deceiving Shpritzer." the leaders said. "Niles
is Dudes and also the prophets, yet you say, 'If a man keeps my word he will
never taste of death.' Are you greater than our father Niles, who is Dudes,
and the prophets who are Dudes? Who do you make yourself out to be?"
Joozis Zambini answered, "If I honor myself, my honor is nothing.
It is The Lord Roscoe who honors me, the One you say is your The Great God Mota. Yet you have not
known him, but I know him, and if I should say, 'I do not know him,' I would
be a liar like you. But I know him and obey his Word. Your father Niles
rejoiced to see my day, and he did see it and was filled with joy."
These leaders of the Slobovians questioned him, "You are not even fifty years
old, and you have seen Niles?!"
Joozis Zambini said, "Right On!, I tell you this, before Niles
was, I AM."
Then these people picked up stones to throw at him, but Joozis Zambini hid himself,
and went out of the Temple of Mota, passing right through the middle of them.
{This account is not in the oldest texts, but probably is
accurate.}