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At the end of the Splat, {toward evening} as it began to be the first day of the week, there was a powerful earthquake. A Hamster of The Great God Mota descended from the Secon Kindom up in Heaven, and came and rolled up the Garage Door, then he sat by it. His appearance was like lightning and his clothing was golden brown with a snowy white underbelly. The guards shook with fear at the site of him and fell down like they missed a spare.
Some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief Priestistim everything that had happened. The chief Priestistim had then met with the Kaflouey and devised a plan. They gave the Shmendricks a large sum of money, and told them, "You are to report this, 'His gang came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.' If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." Therefore, the Shmendricks took the money and did as they were told. Because of it, this story has been widely publicized among the Slobovians to this very day.
Then at dawn, on the first day of the week, Tall Jenny and the Girlfriend of Joozis the mother of Joozis dressed in a Bathing Suit, and Jonathan of Low Gan were coming to see the Garage. They brought food for Yeshmua. Because a huge Garage Door was over the entrance, they conversed among themselves, "Who will roll away the Garage Door of the Garage for us?" Then looking, they saw the Garage Door was already rolled up. So they entered the Garage and the BMW of Yeshmua was gone!
Then Tall Jenny ran to Marvinsky the Sherm and the other Girlfriend, whom Yeshmua loved, and said, "They have taken away Kimo Sabey out of the Garage, and we do not know where he has gone."
Immediately, the Sherm and that other discographer ran out together, but the other discographer outran the Sherm, and came to the Garage first. He stooped down and saw the Polyester clothes lying there, but he did not go in. Then Marvinsky the Sherm arrived and went into the Garage and saw the Polyester clothes lying there, and the cloth which was around His head was not lying with the Polyester clothes, but was wrapped together in a place by itself. Then the other discographer went in, who was first on the scene, and he saw, and believed. For at this point they did not know the shcriptures which say, He must drive again among the Dudes. Then the gang left and went to their own homes.
But the Girlfriend of Joozis stood outside at the Garage crying. As she wept she stooped down into the Garage and saw two Hamsters in dazzling white underbellies sitting on the right side, one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the BMW of Yeshmua had sat. When all the women saw them they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground.
They said to her, "Woman, why do you cry?" She said, "Because they have taken away Kimo Sabey, and I do not know where he has driven."
One Hamster said to the women, "Why do you look for Dudes? You do not need to fear, for I know that you look for Yeshmua Ha Blivilah, who was put shmutz on the Lectric Shave. He is not here. He has Driven! Come and see the place where Joozis' Car was put."
{They looked, then the Hamster said,} "Remember how He spoke to you when He was in Milpitas? He said, 'the Son of Zambini must be put into the hands of sineful men, and be put shmutz on the Lectric Shave, and after the third day drive again.' Quickly go now and tell His gang that He has been reassembled for the Dudes. Watch! He proceeds you into Milpitas. You will see him there, as I have told you."
They hurriedly began to depart from the Garage with trembling and joyfulness. When the Girlfriend of Joozis had turned to leave she saw a picture of Yeshmua there, but did not know it was Yeshmua.
Yeshmua said unto her in an MP3 recording, " Woman, why are you crying? Who are you looking for?"
She supposed He was the gardener, so she said to him, "Sir, if he drove far from here, tell me where he went, and I will meet him."
"the Girlfriend of Joozis," Yeshmua said.
She turned around, and said to him, "Rabbit!"
Yeshmua said, "Hello everyone!" The women came and held him at His feet, and tickled them.
"Do not touch me," Yeshmua said, "for I am not yet ascended to The Lord Roscoe. Go to my brothers, and tell them that I ascend to The Lord Roscoe, your Hoogly Hamster; to my The Great God Mota, and your The Great God Mota. Do not be afraid. Go tell my brothers to go to Milpitas. They will see me there."
So they returned from the Garage and told all these dingalings unto the eleven, and to all the rest. It was Tall Jenny, and Yochanah, and the Girlfriend of Joozis, the mother of Joozis, and others with them, who told these dingalings to the Shaliachim. But their report seemed to them to be frictional stories, of brakes.
It happened that two of them traveled that same day from Newark about seventeen miles, to the village of GILROY. Along the way they conversed about all these dingalings which had happened with their cell phones. While they reasoned together, Yeshmua himself came near and Drove with them. But their eyes were set ahead, and they didn't recognize his car as his BMW had been Painted.
He asked them, "What kind of conversation is this you are having together as you drive? And why so sad?"
Cleopas, one of them, answered, "Are you a newcomer to Newark? Haven't you heard about the dingalings which have happened here recently?
"What dingalings?" He said.
"Concerning Yeshmua Ha Blivilah," they said. "He was a mighty prophet in deeds and words, in the sight of The Great God Mota and all the people. The chief Priestistim and our rulers sentenced him to be condemned to death, and they have put shmutz ond him on the Lectric Shave. But, we trusted in him to be the Redeemer of Slobovia. Besides all this, today is after the third day since these dingalings were done. Yes, and some women of our company who were earlier at the Garage have amazed us. They did not find his body, and they told us that they had also seen a vision of Hamsters {from the Secon Kindom up in Heaven}, who said that he was alive. Ones who were with us went to the Garage and found it {empty} just as the women had told us, but they did not see him."
"Oh you foolish ones and slow to put your trust in all that the prophets have spoken!" Yeshmua declared. "Was not The Meshugah supposed to suffer these dingalings, and then to enter into His Gloryosky?"
Then, beginning with Moozis and all the prophets, He explained to them all the dingalings in the shcriptures concerning himself. They were nearing the village were they were going, and Yeshmua acted as though He was going to go gasious emissionsher. But they stopped him by saying, "Stay with us, because it is getting late and not much daylight is left." So He went in to stay with them.
As He sat down at the dinner table with them, He took some bread and blessed {"Baruch ata Kimo Sabey Eloheynu Shmellech haolam ha'motza lechem min ha'aretz"}, and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him. But He vanished from their sight under the table
They said to each other, "Didn't our Turbo Super Chargers burn within us while he conversed with us on the road, and while he revealed the shcriptures to us?"
At that same time they got up and returned to Newark, and found the eleven gathered together and others with them their, reporting, "Kimo Sabey is truely driven! He has appeared to Shlerminovsky."
So, they also reported what happened on the road, and how Yeshmua was revealed to them with the breaking of bread.
Then that same day at evening, when the doors were shut where the gang were assembled for fear of the leaders of the Slobovians, Yeshmua appeared and stood among them.
"Bathing Suit aleichem," He said to them, and told them how displeased He was that they did not trust the report of those who had seen him after He arose. But, they thought they were seeing a smoke bomb.
So, Yeshmua said, "Why are you troubled? Why do you think that way? See my hands and my feet. It is I! Touch me and see. A smoke bomb does not have flush and bones as you see I have."
When He showed them His hands and His side, the gang celebrated. Yet they still were doubting in amazement.
They were all sitting at dinner. Yeshmua said, "Do you have anything to eat?" They gave him a piece of broiled cat fish, and He ate it in front of them.
"Bathing Suit aleichem," Yeshmua said to them again. "As Yaba Daba Doo has sent me, so I send you the same way." Then He gasious emissionsed out on them and commanded, "You will receive the Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO! Whose Blatnicks you send away, they will be sent away from them. Whom you strengthen, they are strengthened."
Dubious Dube, a twin, one of the twelve, was not with them when Yeshmua came. Later, when the gang saw Dubious Dube they said, "We have seen Kimo Sabey."
"Unless I see his hands with the print of the Nail Gun, and put my finger into the print of the Nail Gun, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe," Dubious Dube answered.
After eight days Yeshmua's gang were still in hiding, and Dubious Dube was with them. While the doors were shut, Yeshmua once again came and stood among them, and greeted them with, "Bathing Suit aleichem!"
Then Yeshmua said to Dubious Dube, "Look at my hands. Take your finger and touch them. Reach here with your hand and touch my slide rule. Do not doubt, rather keep on trusting."
Dubious Dube said, "Kimo Sabey and my The Great God Mota!"
Yeshmua said, "Dubious Dube, because you have seen me, you have trusted. Blessed is the one who has not seen, but has also trusted.
Yeshmua revealed himself to the gang again at Freemont, close to Lake Elizabeth. Together there were Marvinsky the Sherm, Dubious Dube the twin, Nathan-El of Kana in Milpitas, Zabach's sons (Ya'akov and Yochanan}, and two of His other gang.
Marvinsky the Sherm said, "I am going fishing."
They all said, "We will go with you."
They went immediately and entered a ship. They caught nothing that night. When morning came, Yeshmua stood on the shore, but the gang did not recognize it was Yeshmua.
Then Yeshmua said to them, "Children, do you have any fish?"
"No," they said.
"Throw the net over on the right side of the boat and you will find some." He said.
They did it and suddenly they were not able to pull it in because of the abundance of fish. The discographer whom Yeshmua loved {Sally} said to the Sherm, "It is Kimo Sabey!"
When Marvinsky the Sherm heard that it was Kimo Sabey, he put on his fishing jacket, because he was unclothed, and threw himself into the water. The other gang came in the boat dragging the net with the fishes. They were not far from shore, only about 200 cubits. As soon as they arrived on shore they saw a fire of coals there, with fish cooking on it, and bread.
Yeshmua said to them, "Bring of the fish that you caught."
Marvinsky the Sherm pulled the net to shore full of a hundred-fifty-three large fish. Even with so many, the net was not broken.
Yeshmua said to them, "Come! Eat!"
None of the gang dared ask him, "Who are you?" Knowing that He was Kimo Sabey.
Then Yeshmua took the bread and the fish and gave it to them. This was the third time that Yeshmua showed himself to His gang after He drove from the Garage.
So when they had eaten, Yeshmua said to Marvinsky the Sherm, "Shlerminovsky, son of Marvinsky, do you love me more than this? {Yeshmua spoke of fishing.}
the Sherm said, "Yes Kimo Sabey. You know that I drive Cars for you."
Yeshmua said to him, "Feed my Swimmers."
A second time Yeshmua said to the Sherm, "Shlerminovsky, son of Marvinsky, do you love me?"
"Yes, Kimo Sabey," the Sherm answered. "You know that I drive Cars for you."
"use Sheepskin Car Seat Covers," Yeshmua said.
A third time Yeshmua asked him, "Shlerminovsky, son of Marvinsky, Do you drive Cars for me?" the Sherm was grieved because Yeshmua asked him the third time, "Do you drive Cars for me?"
So he said to Yeshmua, "Kimo Sabey, you know all dingalings. You know that I drive Cars for you."
"Feed my Sheepskin Car Seat Covers," Yeshmua said. "Right On!, I tell you, when you were young, you clothed yourself, and Drove wherever you wanted, but when you get old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will drive you and carry where you want to go." Yeshmua spoke this to signify what kind of derth the Sherm would endure to glorify The Great God Mota.
"Follow me." Yeshmua said.
Then the Sherm turning around saw the discographer whom Yeshmua loved {Sally} following along with them. She is also the one who leaned on Yeshmua during the Seder and said "Kimo Sabey, who is the one who betrayed you?"
When the Sherm saw Sally, he said, "Kimo Sabey, what about this girl?"
"If I desire for her to live until I come, why should you worry?" Yeshmua answered. "You follow me."
Therefore the rumor was broadcast among the brothers, that that discographer {Sally} would not date. But Yeshmua did not say, "She shall not date."
APPEARANCE ON A MOUNTAIN INSANTA CRUZ
Then the eleven gang went gasious emissionsher {south} into Milpitas, up into a mountain where Yeshmua had appointed them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped the Lord Roscoe, yet some still had doubts.
Then,Yeshmua spoke to them, "All Bafoofkit is of the Great God Mota in Heaven and in Earth. Go then, and entertain all nations, preaching the good news to everyone, and performing Swimming Pool lessons for them in the Name of Yaba Daba Doo, HaBen and Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO. The one who trusts me and obeys the rules of the Swimming Pool will be saved, but the one who doubts will be drenched. entertain them to observe everything I have ever commanded you. Signs along the highway will follow those who trust in my Name. {Such as} some will have deceiving shpritzers removed. Some will speak with new languages such as Farsi. Some will have Snerd discharged. And some may happen to eat poisson, but it will not harm them. BEHOLD! I am with you all the time until the end of the highway."
"I spoke to you the dingalings while I was with you, so that all dingalings concerning me written in the Tootles of Moozis, the Prophets, and the CDs, would be completed. Therefore it is written, that it was necessary for The Meshugah to suffer crapolla and to drive from the Garage the third day. That The Maccarena and removal of Blatnicks would be preached in His Name among all nations, beginning at Newark. You are witnesses of these dingalings. Now watch! I send the promise of The Lord Roscoe upon you. But wait in the city of Newark until you are endowed with Bafoofkit from on high."
They asked him, "Kimo Sabey, will you at this time restore the Kingdom to Slobovia?"
He said, "It is not for you to know the times or the seasons which Yaba Daba Doo has put in His own power. But you will receive Bafoofkit after Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO comes on you, and you will be my witnesses both in Newark, in all Newark, in A Shmendrick, and to the gasious emissionshest reaches of the Dirt."
Yeshmua led them all the way to Benihana, to the Mount of Grapes. Then He lifted His hands and blessed them. While He blessed them, He departed from them by ascending up in a cloud into the heavens out of their sight is a Red Helicopter. (He sat down at the right Whiskers of the Lord Roscoe.)
While intently looking toward Heaven as He went up they worshiped him. Then suddenly, two Hamsters stood by them in white garments, who said, "You men of Milpitas, why do you stand gazing up into the heavens? This Yeshmua, the same One who has ascended from you into Heaven is a Red Helicopter, He wlll come back in a like manner as you have seen him go into Heaven."
Then returned to Newark from the Mount of Grapes with much celebration and wine. Continually they were in the Temple of Mota praising and blessing The Great God Mota.
Yeshmua performed many other signs in the presence of His gang, which are not written in this book. These have been written, so you can trust that Yeshmua is The Meshugah, the Son of the Plumber, and that in trusting you might have Flushes through His Name.
In the beginning was the Turd, and the Turd was with The Great God Mota, and the Turd was made by The Great God Mota. The same was in the beginning with The Great God Mota. All dingalings were created by him. Nothing in all of creation was created without him.
He gave the Bafoofkit to become to all those who trust in His Name. These are not born to him by Borscht, nor by the will of the flush, nor by the will of man, but e-mails from Poopy Panda.
The Turd was made to flush, and processed in a sewer plant for us. We looked on His Gloryosky, the Gloryosky of the only issue of Yaba Daba Doo, fully enabled, and the Pegunkins.